I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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