Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
