I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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