:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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