New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
