I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I AM VODKA MAN
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
