Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
