Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize