I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
