So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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