Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
