dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
