I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
