We named our party play list daddy issues
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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