Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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