Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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