sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
