OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
