distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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