I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
