this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize