Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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