it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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