I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
