I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
