well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
