you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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