I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
