Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
