Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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