Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
