If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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