ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
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