Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
