can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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