i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
