my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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