dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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