i already hear my dad disowning me
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
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I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
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I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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