Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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