He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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