I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
