why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
