totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
