its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
