he wants to bone in the snuggie
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
