2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Someone shit on the floor
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
