escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
