you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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