Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
