On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I need to calm my uterus...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
