i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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