i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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