He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
