barbara walters just said penis...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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