so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
