So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
