Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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