I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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