i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
