I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
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My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
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hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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