i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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