Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
