sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So drunk its hurt
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
