butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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