Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize