the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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