You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
