she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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