the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
