hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
