I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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