Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
