I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
how drunk are you?
Several
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
