I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
