bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
