So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
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were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
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that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
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