I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
