Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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