I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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