Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
