Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
