shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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