Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
