So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
