Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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