my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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