is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
