please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
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He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
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I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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