Apparently you make a good broom.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
