He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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